Eva Bloom has a message for Humber students: if you’re not looking for a romantic relationship, casual relationships can still have tenderness, empathy, and respect.
“You get to decide what types of relationships feel good and fulfilling for you,” Bloom said.
They spoke at an event hosted by the Humber College North Campus LGBTQ+ Resource Center on Monday.
Bloom is a queer sexuality educator and sex science communicator, and the owner of the sex-ed YouTube channel, “What’s My Body Doing.”
“I think it’s really important to note that intimacy can exist in many different relationships, whether that’s sexual intimacy, romantic intimacy, or friendship intimacy,” they said.
The workshop, Compassionate Casual Sex & Dating, focused on how to attract kind sexual partners, identify and communicate boundaries, and have an amazing experience.
Bloom added people should decide the level of intimacy that they are comfortable with someone, and openly communicate about it.
“Especially with the queer community, the level of intimacy, sexual intimacy, friendship intimacy can be a little bit more fluid,” they added.
Bloom told Humber News that more events on sex talk and casual relationships, especially covering the queer angle, should be available to students at colleges and universities.
They said knowing what you’re looking for in a casual relationship partner can be very helpful, but added that incompatible partners can make better casual relationships.
“Finding somebody who’s actually incompatible in these fundamental ways can be a helpful shortcut for yourself to be like, OK, these lines are already drawn. We are great to have fun with each other but it would not work out romantically,” Bloom said.
“The truth is that dating is kind of a numbers game and as much as you like, do your own reflection and be really clear about your boundaries. They will sometimes just don’t send the same kindness and compassion,” they added.
They said that dating apps can be a great place to find casual sex partners.
“They are probably the most specific in terms of being like everybody here has some level of interest in meeting somebody else versus if you were just walked up to somebody at a coffee shop.”
Bloom also added social media, bars, and online and in-person meeting events as good options for meeting a casual partner but reminded the students that always a respectful approach should be taken while talking to someone.
After meeting someone Bloom said the most important thing to creating a fulfilling casual relationship is to set clear boundaries and good communication with your partner, and suggested creating a “yes/no/maybe” list.
“You’re writing down all the things that you’re like, yes. I want to do that. All the things that you’re like, maybe I’ll want to do that with a certain person, and no, these are the boundaries. I don’t want to do them.’
“It can be a great way to, again, reflect on your own boundaries and what you want to do with the other person,” they said.
They also added that sharing information on your sexual health and what kind of protection you prefer using with your casual sex partners should be a regular conversation.
When it comes to ending the casual relationship, Bloom said breaking up over a text can be acceptable while still emphasizing the good times you had together and being honest.
“Have compassion with people, during the pandemic mental health, can be challenging and people aren’t necessarily always on their A-game,” Bloom said.
The in-person workshop took one hour and 30-minutes, and students were able to join the conversation and ask all their questions on the topic.
“I think we don’t get to talk about sex enough, and we don’t talk about queer sex especially enough. ,” said Emily Berardi, a Media Studies and Communication student.
“Because of my background, like going to a Catholic school, we never spoke about it. So it’s nice to speak about it, and especially like querying it out is really helpful, too. I enjoyed it because I don’t know a lot about queer sex,” Berardi added.
Berardi said that she would love to see more events like this one, where students can have an open conversation about sex.
“We don’t do that enough, and I don’t necessarily feel comfortable with just a straight sex talk because it doesn’t really necessarily apply completely to me, so it’s not as enjoyable.”
For people who are interested in learning more about desires and getting rid of sexual shame, Bloom is offering a 14-week course that starts in May 2022 that includes a bonus training on sexting.